Everything No One Tells You – Self Image Post Baby

So you spend 9 long months, nurturing and growing a human. You surrender your waistline, you eat things you swore you never would, you give up your desire for sushi, peperoni pizza and tuna fish and you switch from the Retin-A and Salicylic acid acne creams that were working for you, to some all natural store-brand crap that doesn’t work; all in the name of Motherhood.

By the time your little Bambino is ready for the outside world you have pleasantly put on 30-50 pounds, give or take.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA
OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

No one tells you that  most of this weight will remain attached to your body after the child is removed. Your hips are wider, you have love handles for the first time and you have to continue to wear your maternity cloths just because you have nothing else that fits.

You will do everything you can to feel like yourself faster then your body allows from crash dieting, to extreme workouts, and even using rubber bands to hold your pants together just so you can convince yourself your pre-pregnancy clothes fit.

With my first pregnancy I was introduced to the world of Spanx. The idea behind it was great; a simple undershirt or slip to hold IMG_9199everything in place.  The downside? All that extra weight is also extra skin…..and your have nowhere to tuck that stuff in when you use Spanx.  Epic Fail.

With my second pregnancy, post C-section, I felt better sooner, but not like myself again and ready to exercise until about 3 months post-birth. Started slow and eventually lost the weight running for about a year. I was actually in the best shape of my life and at my heaviest … then, pregnancy #3! Surprise!

After you have a baby, your body still does not belong to you. Your boobs are bigger then you ever dreamed they could become, although you are kind of secretly hoping to slim your waist line Flinn and Momwithout effecting your cup size.  Your pelvis still feels like it could snap in half, your knees buckle when you bend and your feet ache as much as they did in pregnancy.

Intimacy? Even if you wanted too, you tell yourself that if you cannot look at your own body, then you shouldn’t make your husband. IMG_9273

No one tells you that there will be days you look in the mirror and literally Hate Yourself; blotchy facial patches, hormonal acne and bags under your eyes.

No one tells you that it will take you an hour to pick out an outfit because 1/2 of your choices make you feel fat and frumpy and the other 1/2 make you look like you are still pregnant. You will retreat and hide in your home because you have convinced yourself that you do not fit into the socially acceptable post-baby mold.

No one tells you that you have to love yourself no matter what your dream body looks like. There is no right or wrong to it all and it is only a matter of taking it slowly and enjoying the ride. For crying out loud…You GREW A HUMAN!!!  Not everyone is given that opportunity or that superpower – SO CELEBRATE!Mom and Grant

I went out for my first run post-baby #3. Two Sports bras to hold the weight and knee braces so they didn’t give out mid-mile. I was proud of a 12 minute-mile for a 3.2.

Run 2: The additional skin of my body didn’t bounce as much which made the run feel better. 11:20 minute mile for 3.3.

Run 3: 11:50 minute mile…my toughest run this week. I wanted to give up and came home hating myself.

Run 4: 10:28 minute mile for 4.6

Ladies, it is all about encouraging each other! Love yourself first and your love for others will be pure and unconditional. Be patient with yourself and remember it took you 9 months to put on the weight…it should take you at least that long to lose it! Stop comparing yourself to others and to what you believe society thinks you should look like and try to focus on the important stuff…

You ARE A MOM and already PERFECT in your children’s eyes.2014 11 15_4102

Everything No One Tells You – A Parenting Revelation

I went for a run this morning. It was just my 3rd workout post baby. The moment my feet hit the pavement I knew it was going to be a tough run. Everything felt heavy and weighted – including my heart.

No one tells you that when you become a parent, with the birth of that first child, that sound of their first cry and that first time their eyes meet yours….something changes inside of you. Instead of solely a simple, elated and boundless love you end up with concern, fear and worry. You worry about everything from clipping your newborns finger tips when you cut their nails to how many different ways you could lose this child you just met.

My ‘mother induced anxiety‘ kicked in on this morning’s run. FullSizeRender (4)

I am not someone who listens to head phones on a run. I like the quiet. I long for the quiet since I became a mother. I can think, create, relax and meditate. I still hate running…just enjoy time to myself.

I thought about the article I read of that poor 13 year old girl the victim of an attempted kidnapping IN FRONT OF HER MOTHER in a grocery store.  I thought of how Brave that mother had to be. What would I do?

I pictured the worst case scenario and how I could or would react in the same situation. I have 2 hands….I have 3 children. I thought about all the people in this world who don’t get to save their child…who don’t get to be with their child….who don’t get to have a child….

I heard  a car coming up behind me as it slowed and immediately the fight-or-flight kicked in. Do I look back or run? I wish I had a gun. Why did I leave my mace at home? I need a taser gun. Guns….maybe he has a gun….maybe there are more then one of them.

I turned my head slightly to the side to catch the car and anyone in it within my peripheral vision. I noticed a hand reaching out the window and instantly realized it was the newspaper delivery man….same one who almost hit me on a morning run last summer.

I waved. Just keep running.

I tried to focus on birds, on the noise my feet made as they hit the ground. Tried singing a song to the rhythm of the noise.

My worry kicked in regarding family finances. Crap, I forgot to send that check in. I am sure they will send me straight into collections for being late. Then they will mess up my credit. I should call my husband and have him fix this. I cannot call him, he has enough to worry about. How can we get out of this debt? How do we have so much debt just because we had a baby? What is medical insurance actually good for anymore?

Another car came at me, but this time much louder then the last. A middle aged man with what I would usually refer to a ‘clunker’ of a car. Back bumper missing and trunk ajar from a previous accident.

I was reminded that there are so many others who have it worse than me.

dead snimalAbout 2.5 miles in and almost home, I saw something in the road.

It was a squirrel. A dead squirrel.

Now, I know this sounds odd, but this squirrel reminded me of something; to have faith. When this squirrel died his arms were stretched high in the air….like someone in complete surrender to a higher power.

Almost audibly I hear the words; Let go and let God.

I want to be Brave and Let go and let God.

I think of a friend who lost a baby shortly after birth and how her faith helped her to prevail and heal.  Let go and let God.

I think of a woman I met last summer, who is now a friend, who’s spirit I admired her limitless, in-your-face, happiness even though her husband was out to sea for months and she was basically a single mother of 3 small children. Let go and let God.

I think of a friend who has suffered more loss then anyone should in a lifetime, never mind before her 30th birthday. Let go and let God.

I think of a mother who’s child is fighting cancer and a mother who just lost her daughter to cancer and Mothers and Fathers who are facing the disease themselves. Let go and let God.

I want to be brave.  I want to Let go and let God.

I signed on for a new adventure this last week in hopes of relieving some of the daily stresses of being a mother, wife and business owner.

I have to be Brave. I have to let go and Let God.

Be encouraged that someone is looking out for you ALL the time. So whether you find peace in cross-cross-apple-sauce medicating to the hum of the AC, or  in the 2 am feeding in which you hear sucking and gulping as you literally nurse your child to life – try to listen. Try to hear that voice that is speaking clearing and directly and allow it to take those worries away.

Throw your arms in the air and simply Let Go….and Let God.worship**Check out my sweet friend Beck L McCoy and how she is being brave! www.BeckyLMcCoy.com or www.facebook.com/BeckyLMcCoy**