Everything No One Tells You – The Clomid Monster Returns

My Prince and I had just finished our first month on Clomid and were 2 weeks post our IUI.

MONTH 1: When you go through any kind of fertility treatments, the doctors always tell you NOT to take an At Home pregnancy test and to wait until Day 16 after an Intrauterine-insemination (IUI) to come in for the blood work. Well, if you have ever WANTED to get pregnant you know you listen to no one but yourself and you will be taking every test you can get your hands on.

Day 14 arrived after the IUI and a took a test. The Doctor’s fear is that you will get a false positive – you can imagine what trouble that would cause emotionally. Day 14 post IUI – Pregnancy test = NEGATIVE. My heart pounded with disappointment as I tipped the stick left and right trying to magically make a vertical line appear. I tried to convince myself that you can get a false negative as well and that I still might get a positive blood test in 2 days. Unfortunately, that was not the case. When you start your next cycle before Day 16 post IUI, there is no need for blood work.

MONTH 2: I was ready to try again with the Clomid immediately and for us, there was no reason to wait. We got the go ahead and began the entire process again. Pills – Day 3-7  Ovulation tests – Day 7-9 Wait for Pennywise Happy face. Dungeon of shame, IUI and wait 16 days.

The process, even though this was attempt #2, was feeling routine already.

At home pregnancy Test Day 16 – No vertical line. Negative. Again.

I cannot explain to you the level of disappointment you feel when you are doing everything right, but your body won’t respond the way you want it too. The shame you feel when your body cannot fulfill what it was designed to do. I am not talking about trying to lose weight when you don’t get your rear off the couch to do so.  I am talking about working out everyday, for hours, overtime and seeing no results. My body was a lie. It was a façade of what a woman should be but couldn’t figure out whether to wind it’s butt or scratch its watch.

I digress for mild humor.

We decided that maybe he 3rd time was the charm. So we started over again.

MONTH 3:  Pills – Days 3 through 7 Ovulation Tests  and ultrasounds.

This cycle was different. I went in for a routine ultrasound to count mature follicles and on day 10 there were more then the doctor wanted to see.

Dr. O, “We need to trigger you as you have 3 mature follicles and 3 more that will mature within days. I am going to prescribe you the trigger shot that you will need to inject this evening. You will return in 36 hours for your IUI.”

A shot??!? We decided to do clomid cause I hate shots! I mean – you are looking at someone whom at 5 years old needed 3 nurses, a doctor and both her parents to restrain her for a blood draw! I was experiencing a mini panic attach when, thankfully, I remembered that my Aunt was a nurse. I called, embarrassed, and basically begged her to give me a shot I refused to give myself. Since we had not told ANYONE we were in fertility treatments she was my best shot at keeping my privacy.

I mixed the meds, she filled the needle and I sat and waited. I felt my heartbeat speed up when she flicked the syringe with her middle finger forcing all the air bubbles to the top. She grabbed my stomach and jammed that sucker in like a knife. This was a good thing – cause if she hesitated, I likely would have passed out.

Trigger shot in, 36 hours passed, IUI and wait till Day 16.

It was Christmas morning, Day 14 Post IUI and I was determined to deliver good news to myself and my husband on this day. I knew that I could get a false + if I took an at Home Pregnancy Test, especially because we took the HCG (trigger shot) injection, but after a trusty ‘google search, I decided it was worth the risk. It was 6:00am and although I had to squint, I finally saw that vertical line. I remember distinctly, placing my left hand over my dropped jaw and my eyes welled with tears as my stomach turned and heart skipped a beat.

It was positive.

That day, during our sometimes awkward without children Christmas morning, I handed my Prince a box.  In it were two clay ornaments, one of Pink baby booties and the other in Blue. He opened it and sweetly gave me a hug whispering “Soon, sweetheart. All of this will work soon.” I said “Honey, it did work. You just got two ornaments because we won’t know for months if it is a Boy or a Girl.”

He was silent. His eyes filled with tears and he didn’t say a single word. He just squeezed me with the biggest hug I have ever felt.

It worked. I was pregnant. We were going to have a baby!